My Lifestyle Change, Losing 120 lb and Keeping it Off

26 02 2012

I realized that bits and pieces of my story are all over the place, on this blog, on my facebook page, on fatsecret, in my head…  but I’ve never written a summary of the whole story.  So I’m going to do that now, up to today including how I lost the weight and how I have kept it off.  I will try to keep it brief.  I plan to include a much more detailed account when I write my book.

Starting Point, 287 lb, size 22/24

Me, November 2008

At the end of 2008, I accepted a job transfer from Massachusetts to Phoenix, Arizona.  I had wanted to lose weight for a long time and I had tried unsuccessfully many times, losing 10-20 lb and gaining it back.  I even lost over 100 lb when I was 20 but had gained that all back as well.  I was at my all time high weight, close to 300 lb.
I thought, if I’m going to live somewhere that hot, I am really going to need to lose this weight.  But I was done with unsustainable diets.  I made up my mind that I would lose the weight and never gain it back, no matter how long that took.  I think I finally realized that the only way to do that was to change my lifestyle permanently.  Old habits = old body.  Something finally clicked.

The first thing I did was join a gym.  I was most frustrated with the state of my cardiovascular health.  I had always been a walker- living in Philadelphia for 8 years without a car, I walked everywhere.  But my career had put me at a desk in front of a computer screen, living in the suburbs and forced to drive instead of walk.  I had put on quite a few extra pounds in the few years preceding and was very out of shape.  I knew that exercise was going to be important.

I hated going to the gym.  I was always out of breath no matter what I did.  I felt out of place and uncomfortable as one of the largest people I saw around me.  But I stuck it out and committed to going to the gym at least 4 days a week.  I didn’t do much but the elliptical and some of the weight lifting machines.

Weight didn’t start magically falling off just from working out, unfortunately.  I  knew I had to do something about my diet.  In January 2009, I found a website called MyFatSecret.com where you could track calories.  I decided to give it a try.  Counting calories was all brand new to me.  I had never thought much about nutrition.  I learned quickly that I had been eating much more than I thought.  I learned that my idea of portion sizes had been way off.  It was no longer a mystery to me why I was obese.  I started to really see that my choices had given me the body I had and that it would be my choices that would change me.  As soon as I started counting calories, I started losing weight.  I didn’t change what I was eating very much, but I did start eating breakfast.  My main concern was eating less calories than I burned.  I lost about 60 lb that way.

During that time, I kept to myself.  I wasn’t blogging or participating in any online weight loss forums.  But after the first year and losing 60 lb, I started to feel like I had something to share and I started this blog.

Adjusting Along the Way, 220 lb, size 16

About a year into it, about 60 lb down

The tricky thing about weight loss is that you have to keep changing what you’re doing along the way.  This can be very frustrating at first, and I know it caused me to have more than a few temper tantrums.  As you lose weight, you burn less calories overall.  As you exercise, you have to push yourself harder and harder to get the same heart rate rise.  You have to keep doing better.  Doing the same thing over and over and over again doesn’t work.

I had a few plateaus along the way.  Each time I would get upset that what I was doing stopped working and each time I fought my way out of it by changing what I was doing.  I tried new exercises- classes, weight lifting, running.  You name it, I tried it.  My default answer became “Yes, I will try it” instead on “Um, no thanks, I don’t think so.

I also really started changing my diet after about a year into it.  I watched Food Inc and decided to go back to being vegetarian.  I read In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan and took it to heart.  I started really paying attention to the contents of my food instead of just the nutritional information.  It was at this point that something really clicked with me.  Once I started eating all whole real foods, everything became easier.  I had that feeling of “I got this.” and I knew I could make it to any goal I set for myself.

Finding My Goal Weight, 165 lb size 8/10

Finishing the Job

My initial goal weight was 180 lb.  That sounded reasonable to me.  In the beginning, I thought how wonderful it would be to be a size 14!  To be a size that could shop somewhere other than Lane Bryant or The Avenue.  I never wanted to be skinny, I just wanted to lose the excess weight.   I reached 180 lb in August 2010.  It took me 20 months to lose 107 lb.  I felt pretty happy with myself at that point and I took a few months off from trying to lose weight.

This was the first time I practiced maintenance.  All I did was stop counting calories.  I kept eating what I had been eating and I kept exercising just as I had been, but I relaxed what I was eating just a tiny bit.  I stopped losing weight and I didn’t gain it either.

After awhile, I felt like I would like to try to lose a little more.  I decided to take it 5 lb at a time and see how it went.  I decided that if the weight came off easily, I would keep going.  If it became a big struggle, I would stop.  I made it to 165 lb in about 6 months and decided I felt good about that weight and I called it quits.

Post-Weight Loss to Today

My Weight History

Me, Feb 2012

This is me now.  I have maintained my weight with some minor adjustments for 1 year.  Sometimes I can’t believe how far I’ve come and how different everything is now.  I love exercise!  I look forward to it all day long.  And it makes sense to me – of course I hated exercise when I started.  I was so out of shape, everything was really difficult.  Now I very frequently impress myself with my ability to do things I could never do before like running long distances or lifting heavy weights.

I wear a size 8 or 10.  I never dreamed I would.  I have so many options when I go clothes shopping, it’s a little overwhelming.  When I go to the doctor, they don’t even question my weight.  It is a non-issue.  This is such a relief.  I feel like people finally see me for me instead of just seeing that I was heavy.  It’s sad the way the world judges those who are overweight.  I feel like I am finally free of that stigma.  I feel very happy with myself when I look in the mirror.

I’m not perfect.  I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bikini.  But that’s okay.  I’ve lost 12o lb and I am 34 years old.  I cannot expect my body to be perfect after all I’ve put it through in my life.  A lot of this journey was about self-acceptance for me and breaking away from the expectations placed on women to look a certain way.  Forget that.  I will decide what is right for me and nobody else.  I have so much confidence in myself now and I feel that it is truly up to me to take care of my body the way I see fit.  I don’t do this for anybody else or to fit into any type of mold, I do it for my health and so that I can live my own life as fully as possible.

I have so many things I love to do now that weren’t part of my life before.  I love physical activities and I absolutely adore cooking.  I shop in a much different way and I love food even more than I did when I was heavy.  But I love food that makes me Feel Good and Look Good as well as Taste Good.

I weigh myself daily.  It’s my moment to check in with myself before getting on with the day.  Yes I am eating right.  Yes I am exercising.  Yes I am engaged with my body.  No, I am not going back where I was before.  Old habits = old body.  I love my new body, and my new habits have become engrained in my life.  It’s not a struggle for me anymore, it’s a joy.


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Categories : inspiration, Weight Loss

Making Peace with the Scale – Why I Weigh Myself Daily

19 02 2012

friend or foe?

I’ve seen this advice many times: Do not weigh yourself daily!  It will drive you crazy.

I hate to break it to you, but it’s not the scale that’s making you crazy, it’s you.

Disclaimer: I do not think it’s necessary to weigh yourself daily, or ever!  Different strokes for different folks, but I do think that it is possible to develop a healthy relationship with your weight fluctuations and not to take that number on the scale so seriously.  That’s what I have done.  But if you simply can’t or don’t want to do it- don’t!  There’s no reason to do something that doesn’t help you in your life.

What can the scale tell us?  One thing only: our weight at that moment, and maybe your body fat percentage if you have a fancy one (but keep in mind those are generally pretty unreliable).  The scale cannot tell you if you are a good person, if you are trying hard enough, if you’re a winner or a loser, or any other judgment of your character.

All it can tell you is what you weigh in pounds or kg.  If you’re human, and especially if you’re female, the number will not remain constant, it will fluctuate.  It will go up when you are dehydrated and down when you are hydrated.  It will likely go up when you menstruate or ovulate.  It will go up the day after a heavy meal (because there is more food matter inside your stomach) and it will go down after you use the bathroom.  These are the things that affect our weight on a day to day basis and for this reason, the scale is pretty stupid when it comes to short term data.

So day to day, week to week, it can’t really tell us much about what’s going on with our bodies in terms of fat loss or gain.  Those changes happen very slowly.  If you see a 1 or more pound drop or gain in 1 day, unless you’ve been utterly gorging yourself on every food in sight – and perhaps even then, it is still meaningless and a fluctuation.

Getting on the scale daily is simple and quick.  It’s my ritual check in with myself before I start the day.  Yes, I am paying attention.  Yes, I am engaged with what’s going on with my body.  Yes, I am making good choices.  It’s like a daily reminder that I am not going to disengage in this process and end up back where I was.

When I was heavy, I did not want to know my weight.  I did my best not think about it.  I dreaded the doctors office because they would weigh me.  In fact, I barely looked at myself in the mirror, or if I did what I saw did not really register.  Then I would see a photograph of myself and think “Goodness, am I really that large?”

When I first started to decide to lose weight, I weighed myself at the gym the first day we went.  287 lb.  Well, at least it wasn’t 300- that’s what I thought.  Later that night, I proceeded to tell my boyfriend what I weighed.  I wanted to get it out there, get it off my chest, demystify it.  And he did not seem surprised.  Something clicked for me then- I was giving this number a lot of power, but whatever it was I was still me and not knowing the number did not make me any different.  I still looked 287 lb whether I knew or not.

So I made it one of my goals to be able to know and state my weight without shame.  It’s only a number.  I’m a smart girl and I’m stubborn.  I’ll be damned if some silly little number is going to hold any power over me!

It didn’t happen overnight.  But I started weighing myself every day I went to the gym.  Sometimes it elated me and sometimes it pissed me off.  Sometimes it made me throw a temper tantrum.  But I kept reminding myself and it finally sunk in: no matter what the scale said, I knew if I was doing a good job eating and exercising.  It was my actions I should celebrate, not that number.

It’s been more than three years since that day I told my boyfriend my weight and I weigh 120 lb less than then, give or take a few pounds on any given day.  Weighing myself daily gives me one data point, not a judgment of my character.  I’ve become accustomed to my weight fluctuations and they do not drive me crazy or any other such thing.

Because I decided not to let them.

 


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Categories : Maintenance

170 – Weight Maintenance with a Few Minor Adjustments

12 02 2012

A quick recap for those of you who haven’t been following along:

I had been maintaining my weight around 165 for many months, fluctuating between 163 and 167.  In October and November, I did a 30 day yoga challenge during which I did no other exercise.  This meant I stopped doing quite a lot of cardio and other heart-pumping activities and instead did 75 min of yoga every day.  Yoga is wonderful, and I really hope nobody is discouraged from trying it because of my experience.  I don’t regret doing the 30 days at all, but the result was that I gained about 5 pounds and my weight has been hovering between 169 and 174 since then.

I have since been hearing some interesting points about yoga.  I figured that I gained the weight because I stopped doing the strenuous work-outs I had been doing, but it turns out that there might be more to it than that.  Yoga has been the subject of some controversy this month as author William J Broad has been promoting his book, The Science of Yoga.  It should be noted that Broad is an avid practitioner of yoga, but most of the media focus has been on so-called “yoga myths” he enumerates in his book.  One of these myths is that yoga will help you lose weight.

Yoga is really good at one thing, Broad stated in an interview I heard on NPR, and that is relaxation.  Relaxation slows the metabolism.  Slowing the metabolism, with no other changes leads to weight gain.  Ah ha!  When he said that, it made so much sense to me.

Now I can see how one might lose weight by practicing yoga, but it would depend upon your starting point.  Yoga seems to have the effect of making one more mindful of what one eats, so I could see a natural drop in overall food intake, or eating better foods as a result of practicing yoga.  Alternatively, if a person was doing no exercise and then took up yoga, that would be an increase of activity and could possibly facilitate weight loss.  However, that was not the case for me.  I was extremely active in my usual gym exercise with things like Body Pump, heavy weight lifting, and running.  There’s no way the calorie burn from even the most strenuous types of yoga could compete with that.

So there you go, I gained 5 lb.  There’s more about it in this post along with many charts if you’d like to know more:  Weight Maintenance: What it Really Looks Like.

Then, I moved.  Needless to say, moving over the holidays adds a whole new dimension of stress to an already stressful season.  I am proud to say I did not gain any additional weight during the process.  As soon as I arrived in my new city, I joined a gym and then ok I am ready to get back on track and… I got really sick :(   I had a nasty flu for two solid weeks.  Once the flu passed, ok I am ready to get back on track and… I get slammed with a massive project and have been working a ton of extra hours including weekends since then.

Sometimes life doesn’t cooperate with your weight loss plans!  No big deal.  But one of these days, I really would like to get back to my 165 range.  It’s just proactive.  I actually feel pretty good about myself at the weight I currently am, but I like that cushion.  I do not want to go back to 175, or even 180.  So I’m working on it.  Despite the project, I’ve been hitting the gym 4 days a week and doing a lot of weight lifting.  Once the project slows down, I will add another day or two which will get me back where I was in terms of exercise before the yoga challenge.

I am also counting calories again.  I’m keeping myself in the 2000 calories a day range and will see what happens with that before I decide to change it further.  Just trying to get back into the habit of calorie counting was a little tough.  I had a few false starts, but I think I’m back on it now.  I can easily maintain my weight without calorie counting.  I cannot lose weight without it.  I just know myself.  And I think it’s really important when you are trying to eat less, that you are aware of what you’re eating so you don’t end up eating too much less- it’s easy to do if you aren’t careful.  I’m a huge advocate of calorie counting for weight loss, but more importantly for self-education.  If you don’t know where you are going wrong, how can you fix it?

Eventually, I would love to add a yoga class or two into my routine, but I won’t be replacing regular exercise with it.  However right now, I’m really enjoying my gym time and I don’t need the added expense.

And the journey continues.  It’s been over three years since I started on my quest to change my lifestyle.  Weight doesn’t keep itself off.  There’s really no end to the journey.  I could be upset that I weigh 5 lb more than I did 6 months ago, but I’m really not.  It’s so nice to be able to say that I am not emotionally tied up in my weight anymore.  I am able to look at it objectively and that makes everything so much easier on so many levels.  I am sure I will be back to report that I have returned to my pre-yoga-challenge weight withing the next few months.


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Categories : Maintenance

Don’t Fear Compromise

21 01 2012

I’m always writing about how you don’t have to be perfect and just do a little better every day.  Don’t dwell on your mistakes, just rectify them and move on.  This post is about knowing when it is okay to compromise and listening to yourself rather than worrying what other people will think.

I would consider an ideal diet for me to be all non-processed, organic vegan foods cooked from scratch by me.  And I am proud to say that I eat that diet for the majority of my meals.  But I also don’t want to give off the impression that I think it’s wrong to veer away from what you consider to be the “best” diet from time to time.  It is up to you to what level you take the changes you make in your diet and how faithfully you follow your plan.  Some people may choose to be extremely rigid and never compromise on what they eat.  I don’t find that a reasonable, or healthy, attitude for me personally in my life.  I see it all the time in others: the worry that their diets aren’t right, or aren’t perfect or that they’re eating the wrong things. It becomes an obsession of sorts.

In reality, there simply isn’t only one right way.  If it works for you, it works!  I think at that point we can stop second guessing.  Sure, continue learning and continue adjusting, but try not to let it take over your life.

Sometimes, I miss a workout.  It happens.  Life happens.  I get pulled into a last minute project or I get the flu.  Part of making this work for you is being flexible enough to make sure you can stick with it for the long term.  If you feel like you failed every time you miss a workout, you’ll be less motivated to carry-on the next day.  When I miss a workout, I simply take it for what it is and go right back the next day.  If possible, I’ll make it up by going on a planned rest day.  But sometimes it just isn’t possible.

Sometimes, I eat take out.  I just ate a delicious falafel wrap from a Mediterranean place down the street- and french fries!  Sometimes, I eat ice cream.  Sometimes I have a glass of wine.  I don’t consider these “cheat meals” or “free days” or anything like that.  This is, and always has been, part of my plan.

Even when I was losing weight, I didn’t always eat a perfectly clean, ideal diet.  But I always maintained portion control.  It’s fine if you want to have a piece of cake, but have a reasonable piece and then put it away.  If you simply must have fast food french fries- get the kid’s size.  Much as I don’t eat fast food now- I lost over 60 pounds while eating plenty.  My go-to Wendy’s meal was a Jr Cheeseburger with no mayo, small french fries and an unsweetened iced tea.  That was before I switched to vegetarian, but my point is that you do not have to be perfect at all times to make positive strides forward.

I honestly do not believe I would have succeeded if I had expected perfection of myself.  I read all these health blogs and inspirational postings, and so many of them say No Excuses, and Never Eat This,  Work Out Every Day… and I just don’t agree with that message.  It makes it seem like living a healthy lifestyle has to be this rigid dogmatic experience with no room for adjustment and I don’t think it has to be that.  In fact, I think some people take it too far and it takes the living out of life because they become so focused on food and exercise.  To me those are important and great things to be aware of, but that awareness needn’t take over your life.  I have no desire to be a person you can’t take out to eat or so worried about what I’m eating that I won’t share in a meal at another person’s home without nitpicking it apart.

I don’t always buy the organic option for produce.  I sometimes use canned beans or tomatoes.  I have plastic storage containers.  I use a non-stick pan.  I put sugar in my coffee.  Sometimes I’m tired and my effort level during my workout isn’t at it’s maximum.  I’m not perfect and that’s okay!  Guess what, I’ve lost 120 lb and kept it off for over a year.  I’ve been at this for over three years and I know it’s not about being flawless, it’s about continuing to put in that effort regularly in the long run.  I’m proud of how well I do.  I’d say I’m about 90% following what I would consider to be an ideal diet.  I don’t feel restricted and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything.  I find it very doable and it doesn’t add stress to my life.

Don’t fear making compromises, it’s just another way of taking care of yourself.


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Categories : inspiration

When is Enough Enough?

7 01 2012

I was just looking at my weight history and I realized that I have maintained my weight under 170 lb for exactly one year. That’s one whole year without a significant re-gain.  I dipped down to 161 at one point and bounced back up to 174 at another, but for the most part, I have hovered between 165 and 169 pounds.

I fluctuate in and out of my “healthy weight range” according to the charts.  For a woman who is 5’8″ my cut off weight between being “normal” and being “overweight” is 167 lb.  Which is total bullocks of course.  I think there’s something about being a little bit out of the acceptable range but still choosing to accept myself the way I am that makes me feel like I’m a rebel.  Charts be damned, I will decide what my body should look like and what weight I should be.  Nobody else.

I received a message once on a weight loss site where a completely random stranger took it upon himself to suggest that I lower my goal weight from 180 (that was my original goal) to 150 because “a woman cannot be healthy at 180.”  That message punched me right in the gut.  You know that feeling you get when someone says something to you that they probably have no idea how it will make you feel, but it just demoralizes you and gives you that sick feeling… “maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m not good enough, maybe I DO need to be thinner… maybe, maybe, maybe.”

That message came at least a year and a half ago and it still stuck with me to this day, as I hover just above the normal weight range as prescribed by the medical community. And the longer I think about it the more I come to this conclusion (I apologize in advance for the swearing, but this is me and this is how I feel): Fuck that guy.  Fuck every person who has ever tried to make me or any other person feel like he/she isn’t good enough exactly the way she is.  Fuck all the people who think it’s their business to tell me, or any woman, or anyone, how they should look, what they should weigh, what they should wear, or how they should take care of themselves.  It’s none of anyone else’s goddamned business.  Nobody but me.  MY body, MY terms.

As time passes I find myself becoming more and more comfortable with the “new me”.  Sometimes I find myself wanting to lose 10 more pounds or change my body composition further.  But as time goes by those moments become scarcer, fewer, and further in between.  The more I see myself in full length mirrors or candid photographs the more I realize: I like myself exactly the way I am.

Some people lose a lot of weight and then weight loss and fitness becomes their job.  I can understand this.  It’s awfully tempting to change careers, get a degree in some kind of nutrition and be a life coach or some sort of personal trainer.  But that’s not me.  The things that I am passionate about are art, writing, politics, body image…  I have come to realize that I am fulfilling a unique position in the weight loss community.  I am showing people that it is OKAY to stop.  It is okay to decide that enough is enough.  I feel amazing, I look great, I am fit by anyone’s standards.

It seems like everywhere I look there’s a “motivational” poster like this:

Inspirational?

What is the dream exactly?  To have a body worthy of having your head cut off and objectified into a faceless torso of perfect abs?  To be that girl who guys walk by and go “Ooh Baby!”  That’s not MY dream.  My dream is to be a successful artist, a loving partner, financially comfortable, to travel the world, to have a gallery show, to make a short film, to be a good friend, to learn, and many other things.  In the words of Beauty Redfined: I am capable of MUCH MORE than being looked at.

Fitting into the prescribed mold will not bring me happiness.  I refuse to objectify myself.  I don’t think most people realize exactly how difficult it is to be okay with your body, especially as a woman, when everywhere we look there are all these messages telling us that if we tried a little harder and weren’t so quick to give up, we could have these perfect flawless bodies and the world would be ours.  That is such bullshit.  I’m NOT a quitter.  I work really hard.  My goals are just different than the ones they keep trying to tell me to have.

Look, I’ve lost 120 lb.  I could exercise until the cows come home and eat a perfect diet and I will never look like that lady.  Because I will never have surgery, I will always have flaws and scars from being obese.  I am not a disembodied torso.  I am a person with a history.  And I am trying to be okay with myself.  It takes a bloody hell of a lot of effort, I have to tell you.  It’s no wonder so many fall into the traps of eating disorders and body hatred.  It’s practically shoved down our throats at every turn.

The outward appearance of my body is not what’s important to me.  It is not the end all be all of life.  I didn’t set out on this weight loss thing to become obsessed with my appearance.  I am simply not that vain or shallow.  I am healthy by all measures, fit by anyone’s standards, and above all, I’m happy!  The obsession has to stop somewhere.  Enough is enough.

I cannot honestly think of any other blogger or weight loss person I have read who feels the way I do.  It seems like everyone is always striving for those few less pounds, those few less inches, that added definition.  It seems like nobody can be happy as they are.  I mean, if that’s really your life-long goal, to be a fitness model or competitor or some such thing, I certainly do not begrudge you that.  But can we stop with the assumptions that every woman who does not look like the above headless torso lady must be miserable about her appearance?  That’s what I want to keep talking about as I go forward: self-acceptance.  Weight loss doesn’t have to take over your life.  It is effort enough to maintain my weight, and I think I’ve done it pretty comfortably for the last year.  Can I picture myself living my life this way forever?  Absolutely.  But not much more than this.  The gym is not going to be my main activity.  I have too many other things I’d like to do.  I really don’t think I’ll be lying on my deathbed one day thinking “I sure wish I’d gotten that tummy tuck, I could have had abs.”

I’m inspired by people who help people.  I’m inspired by people who make major changes in their lives for the betterment of themselves and their families.  I’m not inspired by posters like the one above.  I find them objectifying and insulting.  I also feel that they ignore the true benefit of working out and eating right: health.  And health cannot be found in one’s outer appearance.  If you want to “be an example to your family”, there’s a lot more to it than having a low body fat percentage (and no head):

Seriously?

I am good enough the way I am.  I hope I maintain my weight for another year and many more to come, no matter what anyone else thinks of me.


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Categories : Destructive, inspiration, Maintenance

Since I Saw You Last

5 01 2012

Since I saw you last, everything has changed.  It’s a new year, 2012.  I’m a new age, turned 34 on Jan 4.  I live in a new state, hello California!  I belong to a different gym, I work in a different office… you get the picture.

I’m really excited about this change, despite the fact that I’ve been sick since last Monday with some kind of coughing thing.  That’s not particularly shocking considering all that just happened and the climate change.  Indeed, something appears to be going around my new office location.  I can hear people coughing in their offices, just like I am.

I feel like I belong here.  I’ve always said you need to give a new location at least one year before passing judgement.  It’s like a relationship really, you cannot truly know a place or person in a few days, weeks, or months.  Maybe it’s because I really didn’t like my last city of residence even after three years, but I love it here immediately.  It combines many of the things I loved about Philadelphia like being able to walk places and neighborhoods with different characters to explore and get to know, with the beautiful weather and scenery of northern California.  I’m a liberal vegetarian who likes yoga.  Clearly I belong here and not in Phoenix!

Moving is always hard and stressful.  The holidays can also be.  So I am extremely proud to say that my weight remained steady and I weighed in at the same weight the day my scale was unpacked from its box as I did the day I packed it.  But I’m not surprised either.

I’m just so different now than I used to be.  There’s no way I’m going to use any sort of stress as an excuse to pig out on junk food.  I know better.  I know that a much better way to handle stress is to eat as well as possible in present circumstances and to get some physical exercise as often as possible.  Making yourself feel worse will never make you feel better.  Doesn’t that seem incredibly obvious?  I wonder why it takes us so long to get it (us being overeaters, drinkers, smokers, and other sorts of addicts).

As soon as we got here we went grocery shopping.  In the past, I would have used moving as an excuse to eat out as many meals as possible.  But now, I prefer to eat out as little as possible – too much restaurant food and I start to feel icky.  I like knowing what’s in my food now.    We joined a gym 2 days after we arrived and I’ve been 3 times in less than a week- despite aforementioned illness.

People can change.  This is the new me.  If you’re looking to be a new you – you can.  It just takes time.

Happy New Year!


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Categories : Health

My Own Personal Fat Camp, Phoenix Arizona

20 12 2011

When I was offered a job transfer to Arizona from Massachusetts over 3 years ago, my general attitude about it was “why not?”  I wasn’t particularly thrilled with Massachusetts, I didn’t know much about the American Southwest, and it seemed like my skills would be better suited to the work in the Phoenix location (they certainly were).  I started looking into it.  Interesting landscape, crazy weather.  Let nobody try to tell you otherwise: a dry heat is definitely more pleasant than a humid heat, but 115 degrees is murderously hot no matter what.  You simply cannot do anything outside during the day in the summer and summer lasts from June until October (or November if it was this year.)

One of the first things I thought when I considered moving to Phoenix was “If I’m going to live somewhere that hot, I’m really going to have to lose weight.”  Hot is so much hotter when you’re fat.  In fact, this year I really did not mind the summer half as much as I did the previous two years, being at a healthy body weight.

Sometimes I feel like Phoenix was my own personal fat camp.  Much like the contestants on weight loss TV shows, I was completely out of my element.  I did not have any of my old family or friends around me.  I had no obligations but work.  All of the sudden there was nobody asking me to go out to the bar, nobody coming over for brunch.  It was just my boyfriend and me.  He wanted to join a gym, so we did that about 2 months after settling in.  And the rest is history.

I know what an amazing advantage I had in this cross-country move.  Many times it is our friends and loved ones who make it difficult to change ourselves.  It’s not that they don’t love and care for us, it’s that they are used to us the way we are.  I can’t imagine how infinitely more difficult this would have been around some of my best friends back in Philadelphia.  Not that I blame them.  They just made it that much easier to keep making poor choices… and in all honesty it was pretty fun.  I’m not sure what would have happened if I had not moved.  With not much else to put my effort into, changing my lifestyle became my main focus.  And I had a helpful coach, my boyfriend.  Thankfully, his best coaching technique was to let me do my own thing then answer questions if and when I asked.  He never pressured me to lose weight at all, and he never tried to discourage me either.  He’s the very definition of “supportive.”

Fast forward to now, I’ll be 34 in a few weeks and I’m saying goodbye to fat camp.  I’ve had my current job for going on six years, and I’m transferring again to the SF Bay area in California.  My general attitude about moving to California is “Oh hell yeah!”  I’ve wanted to move to CA since I was about 13.  Moving to Phoenix always felt like I made it 90% of the way to where I was trying to go.  Just a minor three year detour.  I’m really grateful for the detour.  Now I’m moving to the place I want to be as the person I want to be.

On the left: me three years ago taking a photo of my new rental home in Phoenix.  On the right: me 2 weeks ago taking a picture of my new apartment in Redwood City (which by the way costs quite a bit more than my house in Phoenix, but let’s not talk about that.)

I'm leaving something behind in Phoenix: about 120 lb.

I could tell you the reasons I don’t like living in Phoenix.  They extend well beyond the weather.  But I didn’t just lose weight in Arizona, I also found out how life-changing it can be to focus on the positive and let the negative pass me by.  Overall, I have enjoyed my time here even though I knew it wasn’t permanently for me.  So instead I will tell you the best thing about the place besides the extremely low cost of living: the sunsets.

amazing sunsets in Phoenix Arizona


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Categories : Maintenance, Weight Loss

Weight Maintenance – What it Really Looks Like (Charts!)

23 11 2011

Well, this is a first for me on this blog: I’m writing to tell you about a weight gain.  In the process of thinking about this, I decided to share with you my weight maintenance chart thus far.  I didn’t want to write about this during the 30 day challenge, even though I realized it was happening a few weeks ago.  This is not a big deal and I didn’t want it to take away from what I was getting out of the challenge.  No need for condolences.  It’s all par for the course.

You see, I don’t expect my weight to remain perfectly steady at all times, but I don’t want to take trends too lightly either.  I’ve only been at this weight maintenance thing for about 8 months and it’s something I’ve never done before in my life so I’m still figuring it out.  I know there will be challenges and changes along the way because life is not constant and nothing in life remains perfectly still.

I think a lot of people mistakenly think that weight maintenance will look like this:

idealized weight maintenance

So I am here to tell you it does not.  I weigh myself almost every day unless I’m traveling or I forget for some reason.  Then I record that weight using an iPhone app that’s meant for tracking your menstrual cycle called iPeriod.  This may sound a bit obsessive to some people, but I think it’s very important for me to remain engaged with what is going on with my body.  Perhaps someday this will be unnecessary, but not at the moment.  I have learned that my weight will fluctuate daily and I am not bothered by this.  Recording those fluctuations helps me see the overall trend that’s so easy to lose in the day to day ups and downs.  It also helps me in situations like now, so I can look back and see exactly what changed and when.

Here is my weight chart from this month:

one month

Keep in mind that these charts look dramatic because of the scale.  You’re looking at a range of 165 to 172 lb, so not a huge difference but this is clearly up from my maintenance range, as the next charts will show.  This is the month of the 30 day challenge during which I did no exercise other than yoga.  I counted calories for the first 2 weeks, but that quickly became boring so I quit.  I noticed my weight range was higher about half way through the challenge and I kept weighing myself but recorded it less because I was trying not to focus on my weight at that moment. Yoga, wonderful as it is, doesn’t elevate my heart rate or burn calories the way running or BodyPump do.

Now let’s step back a bit.  Here is the chart for the past 3 months:

three months

I’ve divided this up into colored sections for easy understanding: yellow is when I was following Jamie Eason’s LiveFit trainer for 1 month, blue is a period of time during which I took two trips (Philadelphia and San Francisco) and was off my schedule both in terms of eating and exercise, and the purple is the 30 day challenge.  So you can see that the trend upward started right after I stopped following the LiveFit trainer, about 2 months ago.  The yellow line is my all time low weight, of 161 lb.

six months

If we back up even further, the trends are much clearer.  This is why I think keeping a weight chart is so helpful.  The green area is a period of time when I was maintaining pretty effortlessly.  I had myself in a routine of working out about 6 times a week- three days of BodyPump and 3 days of cardio and I was basically just eating whenever I was hungry, Susie Orbach style.

overall weight chart

Finally, this is my weight chart since I started keeping it in January.  Prior to that, I weighed myself daily but only recorded the lowest weights.  Orange is the end of my weight loss efforts.  I decided to start maintaining in April and the rest is history.  I drew in the red line representing the overall trend.  This would be impossible to see without keeping track in some way.  I feel empowered by the knowledge.

Having lost over 120 pounds, I know just how important it is to catch these things before they get out of control, so I’ve tried to maintain a balance between vigilance and going with the flow, which I think has been pretty successful.  A lot of people would be absolutely panicking right now about this weight gain, but I am not.  I made changes to my routine, and those changes made changes on the scale.  It’s just data.  It works for me.  I am not a slave to it.  Only if you can keep this kind of attitude toward it can it be healthy to weigh in daily.  I know many people find this is not possible and that they become obsessive about that number.  For those people, perhaps a different strategy is in order.

So what am I going to do about it?  Well, I really don’t feel like counting calories at the moment.  It takes some of the joy out of eating and I feel I eat so well it isn’t really necessary.  I believe that if I continue eating as I have been and add my gym exercise back into my routine, the weight will probably take care of itself, possibly quite quickly.  I will pay extra attention to eating when I am hungry and stopping when I am full, which is how I maintained my weight during the “green” period.  It’s been fun experimenting with different plans, but I’m kind of happy to go back to the tried and true, body pump and cardio – doing my own thing as it occurs to me.  Of course I will continue practicing yoga a few days a week as well.  Now that I have been away from my routine, I am hoping it will be even more effective.  I’m not going to be too hard on myself either.  I’m moving in a little more than a month to a different state and I know that means a lot of my time committed to moving prep.  Being in my comfortable gym routine should be just about perfect during this time.

Now let’s get it going in the right direction again.


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Categories : Maintenance, Weight Loss

Blissful Yoga 30 Day Challenge – Day 30!

22 11 2011

30 days

Finished off the challenge with Tracy’s Hot Flow 2 class tonight!  That’s 30 days of yoga and 30 days of blogging as soon as I hit “publish”.

Practicing yoga every day is great.  I enjoyed every single class.  Anything negative I’ve said about doing this was more about what I have had to miss to do it, such as other classes I love at the gym or my usual cardio workouts.  If I had a less demanding job or there were somehow more hours in the day, I would love to practice in a class setting every day.  Unfortunately that is not the case.  It has been a challenge to make it every day, but I am proud of myself for doing it and I know it has been very beneficial for me.

I see lots of improvement in my practice, from strength to balance to simple understanding.  Mentally I feel less stressed and I definitely appreciate the gift of taking time for myself daily.  I have also learned that if I dedicate myself to doing something, I can and will do it even if it is inconvenient.   Here is a run-down of the classes I took during the 30 days:

  1. Bliss Flow
  2. Candle Light I/II
  3. Yoga Sculpt (wall)
  4. Candle Light
  5. Hot Yoga II
  6. Yoga Fusion (core)
  7. Power (vinyasa)
  8. Yoga Fusion (core)
  9. Bliss Flow
  10. Yoga Sculpt (wall)
  11. Yoga Sculpt (wall)
  12. Restorative
  13. Hot Flow I
  14. Intro to Meditation and Philosophy of Yoga
  15. Yoga Fusion (core)
  16. Hot Flow II
  17. Yoga Sculpt (wall)
  18. Hot Flow II
  19. Restorative
  20. Hot Flow I
  21. Power (vinyasa)
  22. Bliss Flow
  23. Hot Flow II
  24. Yoga Sculpt (wall)
  25. Yoga Sculpt
  26. Restorative
  27. Hot Flow I
  28. Toning the Pelvic Floor
  29. Bliss Flow
  30. Hot Flow II

A few things I learned about myself and yoga:

I LOVE hot yoga.  As soon as it got a little chilly outside, hot yoga became extremely appealing (that happened on the 13th class).  I love the sweat, I love the humidity, and I love how much more flexible the heat makes me.  When I move, I may be checking out some studios that are only Hot classes.  I feel like the ideal thing for me would be a few hot classes a week, as early in the morning as possible.

I dislike restorative yoga.  It’s slightly more appealing after a margarita, but generally I find laying there doing not much of anything very, very difficult.  My brain goes all over the place.  I also find it brings out my aches and pains- especially my back.  Maybe my back just doesn’t like those poses for that length of time.  Perhaps I’m just not in the right state of mind for it at the moment, with so many thoughts going through my head.

My hips are the most in need of help when it comes to flexibility.  Because of this, I am planning to incorporate hip opening poses into my day daily.  Just 10-15 min before bed probably, but I need to open up my hips if I want to progress forward.

It’s tempting to immediately challenge myself to do something else, but right now I need to dedicate myself to preparing for moving.  I will continue going to the gym and yoga classes, but I need to be flexible because I have a lot of travel and work ahead of me this month, not to mention the holidays.   But I have some ideas in mind for 30 day challenges I would like to try in the future.

Blogging daily has been challenging as well.  Making words come when I don’t really feel like it isn’t something I’m accustomed to doing.  I blog because I have things to say, so when I don’t have things to say, I don’t blog!  I hope to continue blogging more frequently than I was, but again I need to be respectful of my time and how stretched thin I already am.

So there, it is, 30 days complete!  I feel accomplished and I’m really glad I did this


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Categories : Yoga

Blissful Yoga 30 Day Challenge – Day 29

21 11 2011

Day 29

I have the entire week off work this week, so with no other obligations, I went to Margie’s 9:00 Bliss Flow this morning, which was lovely of course.  Tomorrow is the final day of the challenge and I’m excited to be so close.

There is another book I have been reading that deserves some words from me.  I’m not really reading any of these books cover to cover, I’m kind of skipping around whatever feels interesting at the moment.  The book is called The Heart of Yoga – Developing a Personal Practice by T.K.V. Desikachar.

This is a good book for someone who wants to understand some of the basics of developing a yoga practice, written in a clear and uncomplicated way.  I think this would be an ideal companion book, especially for someone who tends to practice alone and not in a class setting.

“Anybody who wants to can practice yoga.  Anybody can breathe, therefore anybody can practice yoga.  But no one person can practice every kind of yoga.  It has to be the right yoga for the person.”

That is an integral message of this book.  There is no one “right” way, there’s only what is right for you.  All of us have different physical and mental strengths and obstacles.  There is no way to have one program that would be ideal for each individual, that’s what is meant by a “personal” practice: the practice that is right for you.

So many times we find ourselves wondering if we are “doing it right”, in many areas of life.  But what is right?  Perhaps what works wonderfully for one person does not work for another.  There is nothing wrong about this, it’s simply that we are all at different points in our lives with unique challenges.  I think this is so important in the journey to being healthier.  There’s no one right way.  There’s no wrong way.  There’s only your way.  Even missteps bring us closer to understanding what we need to reach our goals.


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Categories : Yoga

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